There’s scars all over. A journey you can’t feel but hear
I’m as jolly as can be.
You can’t see my shell.
Walking home from the best days of learning my ABC’s
Getting my floaty pumped to celebrate.
I talked too soon.
I was never the one to be brave, stick up for myself.
In my pink Hello Kitty bathing suit
6 feet in water
My body let itself go. Underwater I am.
Who were once my friends. They took over me.
Help, I tried.
“you deserve this!”
I can’t breathe nor swim,
couple more seconds i’m driven away to a place where lives are taken in peace.
My last, first day in this living hell which are everyone’s favorite years.
The woman who taught my birth giver everything.
Knife against my neck
Why me? Why did I have to grow up to hate myself?
Covering my own ears. They’re now pools.
Let’s rest, not ready to say forever.
It’s only 3 a.m what did I do to be tortured
Pack your bags. We should go.
Before the door shutting
“Angel, is that you”
Dad, i’m sorry.
Reminded everyday how useless I am
How the perfect daughter you wanted wasn’t so perfect.
Tired of myself emotionally
Tired of losing friends
Tired of falling asleep to the sounds of screaming
Tired of trying.
A simple “You don’t need to try so hard to be perfect. You are enough. Everything will be okay”
Convince myself that nobody will care if I take this handful of body beating.
You are the reason
Don’t feel bad for me
But for yourself
Claiming that I wasn’t yours how can that be
When my birthday came around nothing was said
But you loved me right
You loved the way I smile but I wanted to be gone so you wouldn’t see it.
You replaced me
And I grew to hate me
You left unspoken
It’s depressing because I can’t feel anything anymore
It’s like a never-ending nightmare
A track a Dj in my head is running back to back
A pit in my stomach
My stomach gets hot and my heart gets cold
I cry for no reason
I question if i’m functioning properly
I’m living in a hell.
Where sleeping is my only escape.
Soothing water running all over my body
Resolving around my problems
I am one.
An empty pill bottle to the right of me.
All swallowed once
Not a breather left.
I was calling.